Friday, June 1, 2012

A dream and a lot more

The only reason I am writing tonight, from 2:57am is that today I have completed possibly the most significant part of my life, formal education.

My career goals at age 15 were too diverse to define a rigid path. Sadly, as every Indian citizen, I too shall begin blaming our education system now. (Since the output of next action is mentioned, I'll save time and space here.) I cannot say that choosing something related to calculations and brain cell damage rather than performing arts or painting was a bad idea, because I know that I am incapable of digesting compliments (not that I cannot keep my feet to the ground, I really get scared of something after getting a compliment, no idea what). I had to quit dance classes when a teacher (who used to teach my dad too) told my parents to not compromise my 'rank-in-boards' aptitude for uncertain fame. I couldn't pursue the traditional path to becoming a scientist, as it starts off with 8000 per month or less income and more number of years required to earn it. Also, I do have an assurance of a fine salary per month before completing my graduation with the current choice. Still the complaining tone can be sensed and it is evident because none of the choices were made out of some irresistible urge to devote myself to achieve something I can never afford to miss.

When I completed reading 'The Alchemist' for the first time, I envied the shepherd for having a clear vision of his dream and I still do. My dreams are mostly non-real, ending in a kick that wakes me up and goals are achievable in nearest future through the simplest of means and a little effort. No struggle, no search required. It amuses some when I predict my exact result, but frustrates me at the same time. I do not want something so predictable. I do not feel the sense of achievement in this. Positive.

Then again, what is the need to struggle and why do I want something to die for? Why doesn't logic work? Can I not make a sane choice? Am I a wannabe trying to stand out?
I have left producing the excuse of being practical to avoid fighting for something I really care about, the day I realized keeping scores doesn't matter. There is nobody to compete in the universe. The universe runs for you and you make it exist. A physicist once told me, "the one who experiments shall decide, not determine, whether light will behave as a particle or a wave". So I have decided, that in my universe, there shall be no fear. The fear of failure and loss keeps a person from trying. The fear of thinking in another direction makes a person skeptical about the original dimension of thought. So, fear is dead.

There's another view, that you are the only one existing in the universe and the rest are just projections of your mental designs. I would like to agree. Not because The Matrix is a great trilogy, There's a bigger world beyond the universe, governed by the Magnificent: 'Mind'. I would one day like to calculate the speed of neurosignals  and see if it goes beyond 299 792 458 m/s. I bet it would, 'cause my head does travel back and forth in time with a limited scope to alter the incidents.
Coming back to the point, live to die for something, is a rule in my case. I shall practice it for the rest of my error-free life (approx 50-55 years ahead, not counting the years spent in time-travel if it is discovered by then). As there is no comparison in my beliefs, the question of me trying to look outstanding is ruled out.

Lastly, certain things in life are easy to gain. *smiles* Who likes things easy!

My ambitions have survived great shifts, the biggest one experienced after my placement. At this moment I know exactly what I need to do on a 'cannot-live-without, will-regret-if-I-don't-do-it-right-now' level: Find The Dream.

Humans have abused words, the most brutally damaged being 'Time'. A word very sensitive and relative to the subject. I keep thinking how deluded we are about the existence of time and its meaning.
I have an over-thinking disorder, a topic where I cannot or should not do anything is the perfect catalyst.
I also have a bug, I cannot write less.
I also have a lot to read, travel and create. I do have a dream of a shared life where I manage to experience all of these.

The only reason I have written this tonight, till 4:47am is that today I have begun  possibly the most significant part of my life, the real education. 

P.S. I completed my formal education 3 days before tonight. But experiencing a near-death trek gets higher priority to writing, in my book.
Also, I am not a 'The Alchemist' person. I believe in 'सोsहं (I am the creator)' theory. I do consider signs but not as a charcoal to sketch my direction.


  1. //The universe runs for you and you make it exist.
    All the best with dreams. Ekdum mast mitra! Keep up the good work.

  2. I can relate to so much of your thinking process. I also like the energy with which you write. Keep it up. :)