Wednesday, July 10, 2013


None of the characters, incidents and places included in the following text is fictional. Resemblance to any person or personality is not to be kept from being taken personally. The code of conduct violations done here are completely intentional.
*coughs and remains silent for a while looking at the desk*
I am not out of words.. I was just showing what do we do when we're asked to volunteer. Who's the one to go and talk, let's see.. I'm sure everyone must've observed that there's always someone who will step up first. A Hermione type of guy or girl. Smart, but eager to stand out, someone who puts an additional effort to look better among the rest. They might find a way to look or behave different than others, with an air of 'I'm the best!' Attitude. And for safety purposes, I must say that I'm not pointing at anyone here..
Then I'll talk about the 'Nodder's in our class. I myself am a nodder, I had a spring installed somewhere above my spiral cord.. I invented a new degree of freedom, given by the nod-joint in my neck! There's another sub-phylum to this kind, the 'leg movers', constantly dancing! If the energy generated by the oscillations of our body parts due to anxiety or *coughs* lack of interest could be stored in some form, we could charge our laptops for free! I wonder if it feels distracting to the ones sitting next to us.. I mean, their brain-cells must be shouting, 'let me concentrate!'
There's also an 'agree-argue' duo in every class. One will always concur with everything the trainer has to say, the rich is always right after all!  and the arguer will always try to oppose something or the other. The 'yes sir' guy will always laugh even at a poorly delivered PJ from a senior. On the other hand, the 'I object!' Guy is good at conducting a trolling exercise in a dilute and invisible manner. Sometimes, their nit-picking is a headache for the rest of the class, 'shut up, yaar! Let them finish the lecture fast!'
Next, I'll talk about the 'Talkie' people. They need to talk, they cannot fail to give their opinion. Sometimes, they have a really good point. They generously lend us a lot of their knowledge, as they are a 'know it all', in an admirable way.. but some are just excellent in talking without a topic, without a point, without any meaning.. I keep trying to learn how do they do it, it's really difficult once you're a grown up, I swear!
Then comes, a 'Principle' person. A mind driven by strong belief system and integrity. They have to be right all the time. Their skit should always end with a positive note. However high their values are, I've observed that they tend to be judgmental about someone with a harmless moral flexibility. They might not always appreciate the space we should give to an individual in his/her decisions in their own corporate or personal life.
That reminds me, the number of times I've heard the word 'INTEGRITY' here tends to infinity! In fact, if I hear it one more time now, the count will reach negative infinity! If I had a nickle for every time we heard the question 'what is integrity? What do you mean by it?'.. my employer would've considered me for a wealthy competitor!
'Code of conduct violation!' Another raakshas word, man! Everytime I hear it, I picture myself trying to get through a net of moving lasers, like, I have to go to the other end to deactivate a live bomb and before reaching there, I have to swipe an access card and whilst doing that my manager will call me to ask my password which I shouldn't give!
Let me talk about our HRs for a while now. Their smile doesn't leave their faces for even a second, even when they are talking, even when they're telling us 'no, you won't get a cab drop tonight', 'no, you cannot take a leave during training', even when we suffer a huge loss in Sitopedia, they're constantly smiling!
Now, what happens when 'Bade Log' and Technology training team is here to meet us...
First of all, we spot who's there from our LoB, and decide in mind that I'm going to talk with person so-and-so in the networking event that'll follow ahead. Their speeches, I must honestly admit, are repetitive, still we make it a point to look like we're getting to hear this for the first time - the 'Oh wow! What are you saying!' Expression.
The best picture I noticed was during the Q&A sessions, friends! Every time someone comes to visit us, may him/her be from any LoB, any level of hierarchy, any location, there's always someone from the trainees who will ask this question: "what opportunities do we have in terms of mobility and progress?" I mean, this question has been answered SO MANY times by now, it is about to exceed the number of times I've written 'flexibility, reliability and accuracy' during my entire course of Engineering examinations!
Note: The author expects hate-mail.