DeSPEAKable Me

Okay, it's not a sad note like the silent mode. No reasons, but lately, I've not been talking a lot as I used to a few weeks ago. I kinda had expected that friends will notice it, and so did I get numerous questions, 'what happened?','chatterbug, gayab kidhar ho?', 'only darshan is on facebook updates', etc. However polar opposite this sounds for my personality, somehow, it feels like 'me', being silent. Let me explain (okay, in my head I thought of Dushyant speaking 'let me explain'!);

The thoughts adjacent to, parallel to and intersecting my current topic:

1. Everyone, EVERYONE asks me a lot of questions when I answer a 'wassup?' With a 'nothing'. I do not understand why there should be something continuously happening in my life, and why I cannot enjoy being boring!

2. If there's something going on in my day-to-day life, why is everyone expecting me to make it public? With only an anticipated secured job, no love-affair and/or deadly diseases, being treated like an important person is kinda creepy.

3. It's not always that I want to protect my privacy. Most of the times, I really (would've said "really really really REALLY" if I were not on my silent mode) have absolutely nothing to share. Sometimes, I'd just like your nose out of my business.

4. Being frank and speaking might be potentially harmful, and silence lets you stay diplomatic and safe.

5. Silence and most of the above points will endanger a lack of friendliness or confidence in the fewer not-so-real friends I have. The pakke-dost already know how to absorb my rambles!

6. If I am shant shant, then it might be mistaken as there's nothing going on in my head. As Chetan Bhagat rightly points out, 'what would the world be without mental dialogues!', my mind is a non-stop device and it has wide range of not-to-be-shared variety, starting from cooking to crossbow learning!

7.Not talking has resulted into getting dreams these days. Mum asking me to wake up makes those dreams an epic fail.

8. Texting is limitted as most of the times, I get bored of typing. Thanks to TRAI and 27 wala recharge, my chuppi is acceptable to the close ones. DSL light of my modem starts blinking after every 5 mins. Apparently it's devised to fail at exactly the wrong moment, so, no chatting either.

9. I'm enjoying being silent. I have developed a liking with this mode; cause these are the only moments I'm more connected to myself than others.

10. In 'Eat.Pray.Love' the lady that's chosen to keep 'maun' starts talking the moment she takes the badge off. I know one thing, as long as you're not happy and supportive of what you're doing, you'll not feel the 'peace of mind' even if the act is supposed to make you feel blessed. Positive approach and belief in result are the reasons for a positive result in many cases. So, I choose to like what I do.

11. Silence saves energy. It can also be depressing. It's greatly challenging to deal with these extremes.

12. I have come to a conclusion by experience, that 'Atiparichayat avadnya' is true. I do not expect anyone to treat me right (as a principle, I expect very little from others), but I certainly would like it if they do. Keeping a mental distance from the rest saves me from getting 'ati-well-known'.

13. Rush of emotional and senti thoughts are perennial in my life. I've even learnt to ignore them. I prefer dealing with such situations on my own than venting out feelings and stuff. It sorta supports my aim of being independent and living happily enough.

I wonder how this turned out to be a note with 13 points, but I cannot have irrational superstitions, so, here I end it without any proper conclusion. Somethings don't end really, and some must end.